Afterthoughts
by Sara Jaye
Summary: Marron's thoughts after the battle with Sacher in volume 7 lead to a latenight talk with Gateau.


"Afterthoughts"  
by Sara Jaye  
  
I've had this in mind for awhile now-Marron thinks about Gateau's   
death after The Battle in GN 7. Originally it was just going to be a short   
little angsty piece with Marron thinking about Gateau and being confused   
about his feelings, and them kind of sharing a bed but leaving their   
feelings unsaid and all...needless to say, this turned out a lot   
differently than I'd planned. @_@ But that's not necessarily a bad thing.   
XD Aaah, squishy Gaterron fluff-ness...also a cute Carrot&Marron scene in   
there as well. ^o^  
  
[Sorcerer Hunters belongs to Rei Omishi and Satoru Akahori, I'm just   
borrowing the characters for awhile. This is a shounen ai/yaoi fic,   
meaning it's two guys being all lovey-dovey and smooching. So if you're   
not into that sort of thing, don't read any further. Otherwise, enjoy!   
^_^]  
  
~  
  
It's been a long day. That battle with Sacher Torte took an awful lot out   
of us. Especially niisan...turning into the God of Destruction isn't   
something you can bounce back from in an hour, after all.  
  
But the important thing is that we all survived.  
  
Even Gateau.  
  
I can't stop thinking about him. His death was such a shock to us, and   
after Hakaishin was awakened inside niisan, and I saved him, Sacher used   
the last of his strength to revive Gateau.  
  
Needless to say, we're all relieved he's going to be okay. An hour after   
his scars began to heal, he started posing again, calling himself "The   
indestructible Gateau Mocha, the man with the beautiful muscles".  
  
He's back to his old self again.  
  
But even that isn't enough to erase the fact that he died.  
  
When I saw him fall to the ground after being stabbed, I...I felt cold   
inside. Not just that "Oh my God, I've just witnessed the death of someone   
I know" cold...something else, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. All I   
knew was that for some reason I felt like someone had punched me in the   
chest...and I felt like crying.  
  
But I didn't. Crying, screaming or cursing wouldn't help the situation, or   
bring Gateau back to life right then and there. Niisan was already   
freaking out enough, and Chocolat and Tira looked like they weren't far   
behind. I had to stay calm for everyone.  
  
And when Sacher revived Gateau, I was so relieved...at that moment, I...I   
felt like crying with joy. Niisan was safe, Gateau was alive...we'd   
survived such a life-threatening battle.  
  
But after that wore off...I got to thinking about Gateau. And I couldn't   
stop.  
  
He died.  
  
I can't get over that. I don't know why, but I just can't.  
  
Just then, the door to my room at the inn opens and someone walks in. Big   
Mama advised us to sleep indoors tonight so we could recover from the   
battle. Plus, it looked like rain earlier.  
  
"Marron?"  
  
I don't even need to ask who it is or look up.  
  
"Niisan."  
  
"You feeling okay? You've been really quiet ever since we got back...more   
than usual, that is," he says, sitting down beside me. I turn to him and   
smile a little.  
  
"I'm just tired, niisan..." I yawn slightly as I wrap my arms around him,   
leaning my head against his shoulder. His warmth feels so wonderful...it   
always does, but right now I'm just so grateful to feel it.  
  
"Yeah...today was a long, grueling day, wasn't it?" he says, returning my   
embrace. "Thank you for saving me, Marron," he whispers.  
  
"Niisan...I'll always protect you. You know that," I whisper.  
  
"Yeah." He hugs me a little closer and strokes my hair. "I love you,   
otouto," he says.  
  
"I love you, niisan."  
  
"Is there something else on your mind?" he asks.  
  
"Wh-why do you ask?"  
  
"You seem out of it."  
  
I sigh a little.  
  
"I...I just still can't believe Gateau really died back there, and..."  
  
"And now he's back and it's almost as if nothing even happened?" he says.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
There's silence for a few moments. Then niisan yawns a little.  
  
"I'm going to see if Tira and Chocolat are all right. You get some rest,"   
he says, kissing my forehead. I smile and blush a little.  
  
"Yes, niisan..."  
  
He lets go of me and gets up, walking out of the room.  
  
Alone once more, I take off my robes, pull on my nightshirt, and get under   
the covers. If I go to sleep, at least my mind won't be stuck on Gateau.  
  
~  
  
An hour later, I still can't sleep.  
  
I glance over at niisan, who's sleeping soundly in the bed opposite mine.  
  
I really envy him. If only sleep came so easily to me.  
  
I can't stop thinking about Gateau. How I almost lost him today.  
  
How I came that close to never seeing him again.  
  
What if Sacher hadn't revived him after the battle? We'd go on with our   
lives, living each day as it comes. Niisan would chase girls, Tira and   
Chocolat would beat him up for it. Chocolat would throw herself at him.   
Tira would get mad. Milphey would stop by and flirt with everyone.   
Everything would be the same as always.  
  
Except Gateau.  
  
There would be no more flexing or posing, showing off for girls at the   
beach, arguing with niisan, flirting with me, telling me I'm beautiful,   
sidling up to me and just staring at me without a word...  
  
I feel my eyes moisten with tears as I think of that.  
  
Life without Gateau Mocha...  
  
It's strange. Before today I never really looked at Gateau as much more   
than a member of the team. Sure, I cared about him, but only like you   
would care for your fellow soldier. Aside from that, I never really   
thought much about him unless he was flirting with me and I wished he   
would stop.  
  
It's funny how you can see someone every day, and not give them much of a   
second thought. Then you almost lose them, and suddenly you just can't   
imagine your life without them.  
  
For a moment, I wonder exactly what this means. I've realized how   
important Gateau is to me, but in what way? As a best friend, or...  
  
As something more?  
  
Could I really have feelings for Gateau Mocha?  
  
'No.' I brush that idea off. Feelings like that don't happen all of a   
sudden. Just because I almost lost him doesn't mean I'm going to have a   
crush on him!  
  
But is it just that? Suddenly I think about all the times we've been alone   
together...that night at the resort where almost everyone was trying to   
seduce someone, but ended up in bed with someone else. Chocolat ended up   
in Salad's bed, niisan in Tira's, and Potato in Jeeves's...in the midst of   
the insanity, Gateau asked if I wanted to sleep together.  
  
I didn't respond, of course. But even though I didn't want to admit it,   
part of me felt flattered.  
  
In fact, I always feel like that whenever he flirts with me. It can be   
trying, even annoying sometimes. But I don't necessarily HATE the   
attention he gives me.  
  
But that doesn't mean anything either! So part of me feels good whenever   
he flirts with me. It's just flirting! And I know Gateau-he loves   
beautiful people and I just happen to be what he considers beautiful. I'm   
no different from any girl on the beach other than the fact that I'm one   
of his teammates.  
  
Still, it's not like he's being shallow and insincere. He's never been   
anything but kind to me, and he's protected me in battles on several   
occasions.  
  
He cares about me. And I care about him. But that's it-there's nothing   
more to it than that.  
  
So why am I having a hard time convincing myself that?  
  
Maybe...I've had feelings for Gateau all along and just been in denial   
about it.  
  
I consider it for a moment...then shake my head.  
  
It can't be that.  
  
"I'm just tired, I'm not thinking straight right now. Maybe if I just go   
to sleep it won't be on my mind in the morning," I tell myself. "Yeah...  
that's it."  
  
I sigh.  
  
Who am I kidding?  
  
No matter how hard it is to believe, I...I'm sure I have feelings for   
Gateau.  
  
At any rate, I can't sleep. Maybe I'll go for a walk.  
  
I quietly get out of bed, not wanting to disturb niisan. I put my robe on   
and walk out the door and into the hallway.  
  
~  
  
As I walk down the hallway, I continue to think about these feelings for   
Gateau I've suddenly realized I have.  
  
Is it just because he died and if things hadn't gone the way they did, I'd   
have never seen him again?  
  
Or have I always felt this way and just didn't want to consider it?  
  
I feel so confused.  
  
As I walk past Gateau's room, I stop for a moment. The door's open...I   
sneak a glance at him, lying asleep in his bed.  
  
He looks so peaceful...I wonder how he can sleep so well after he nearly   
lost his life.  
  
But this is Gateau Mocha. He never lets anything get him down that long.  
  
So optimistic...so strong, so kind...  
  
So beautiful.  
  
Wait...beautiful?  
  
I'll admit, he's extremely attractive, but...I never really looked at him   
that way before.  
  
Without thinking, I tiptoe slowly into his room and over to his bed.  
  
I idly wonder...could he have feelings for me beyond the flirting? He does   
show slightly more interest in me than in those girls...  
  
'Because I'm his friend', I remind myself.  
  
I sigh a little as I continue to gaze at him.  
  
Today, the Gateau on that battlefield was almost nothing like the one who   
flirts with me every day. He was so serious, so hell-bent on bringing his   
sister back from the dark side...it was this whole other side of him that   
we hardly ever see.  
  
Maybe that's why I'm suddenly realizing I have feelings for him. And why   
I'm so indifferent to his flirting.  
  
Sometimes when he begs me to look at his muscles, I get annoyed because I   
want to know that he's MORE than that. That somehow I know there's more to   
him than his muscles.  
  
And today, I finally got to see that side of him. The man behind the   
muscles.  
  
He's beautiful. But not just because of the way he looks.  
  
I suddenly feel warm inside as I think about it...I've seen Gateau Mocha   
for who he is. And I like what I saw.  
  
And when he died, I was afraid I'd been robbed of the chance to get to   
know that side better.  
  
This warm feeling...I always feel this way when I'm with niisan. Yet with   
Gateau, it's...different, somehow.  
  
Almost as if-  
  
'Oh my God...'  
  
I feel my face grow hot as I realize it.  
  
'I...I think I love him...'  
  
...Did I just think that? Did I really just think to myself that I love   
Gateau Mocha?  
  
Yeah...I did.  
  
I...I think...I really love Gateau Mocha.  
  
My mind suddenly races with a thousand questions. Am I absolutely sure? Am   
I just emotional right now? If I told him, how would he react? Could he   
possibly feel the same way?  
  
Just then, he stirs a little in his sleep. I tense for a moment, thinking   
I should get out before he notices me. Even if he didn't mind my being   
here, I don't want to seem like a weirdo or anything.  
  
"Nnh..." He rolls over a little, his eyes opening. Maybe if I slip out   
quietly he won't notice I was there...  
  
"Marron?"  
  
Damn! He's seen me. Quick, think of a lie.  
  
"G-Gateau...s-sorry about that, I...I was sleepwalking," I whisper. Think   
he'll believe it?  
  
"Liar." He smiles a little. "You couldn't sleep, could ya?" He moves over.   
"Come, get in here with me where it's nice and warm," he says. I feel my   
face burning again.  
  
"G-Gateau...?"  
  
"I couldn't blame you for being tense after all that's happened," he says.   
"Don't worry, I won't try anything."  
  
"I-I should get back to my room, though...I don't want to leave niisan   
alone," I say.  
  
Just then, I hear footsteps and muffled female voices.  
  
"I think Chocolat and Tira can cover for you there," Gateau says.  
  
"Well...as long as he isn't all alone..." I twist at one of the buttons of   
my robe for a moment, then nervously slip under the covers and lie down   
next to him.  
  
"Thanks," I whisper.  
  
"So...what's on your mind?" he asks. His eyes are so warm and gentle...  
  
"Nothing...just thinking about the battle...how glad I am that we all   
survived," I say.  
  
"Yeah..." He sighs a little, a far-off look on his face.  
  
"And...I'm glad you're alive...i-it wouldn't have been the same without   
you, Gateau," I say. 'Especially for me,' I think.  
  
"I...I know." He looks up at the ceiling for a moment, sighing. "I...I   
know it might not have looked that way, but...during that battle, the   
moment Eclair stabbed me, I...I was scared. I knew I was going to die...  
that I'd never see any of you again," he whispers. His voice wavers a   
little.  
  
"Gateau..."  
  
"I-I don't regret it, of course, there was no way I was going to hurt my   
sister! But as I was dying, I...couldn't stop thinking about how I'd never   
see any of you again...never argue with Carrot, get to show off my   
fabulous physique on the beach...talk to Tira and Chocolat..."  
  
He suddenly places his hand on my cheek, looking into my eyes.  
  
"And how I'd never see you again," he whispers, his voice breaking as his   
eyes fill with tears.  
  
"G...Gateau...!"  
  
He's nearly in tears just thinking about how he could've never seen me   
again! Could this mean...no, it's only a coincidence that I was thinking   
about the same thing earlier.  
  
"Marron...I-I know sometimes it might not seem like it, cause of the way I   
act, but...you're...very, very important to me. It isn't only your looks   
I'm crazy about...it's you," he says.  
  
I open my mouth to respond, but suddenly I'm speechless.  
  
He really feels that way? If he does, then why does he flirt with all   
those girls on the beach?  
  
"I..." I try to say something, but my mouth has gone dry.  
  
"I-I'm sorry, I've said too much, haven't I? God, I must sound like I'm   
flirting with you again, Marron, I...just wanted to tell you how much you   
mean to me and that I'm not just trying to score with you or anything like   
that," he says, turning away.  
  
"No..." I rest my hand on his arm. "I...I'm glad you said that, Gateau," I   
whisper.  
  
"You are?"  
  
"Yeah." I move closer, drawing in a deep breath as I look into his light   
blue eyes. "Gateau...I almost lost you today. I was mostly concerned about   
niisan during the battle...but after it was over and you were alive again,   
I just...couldn't stop thinking about you," I said. "And...I realized   
that...I just can't picture my life without you in it. Or any of our   
lives-you're just too important to us, Gateau. You're a great person to be   
around...and the strength of our team."  
  
He just stares at me for a moment, then suddenly pulls me into an embrace.  
  
"Marron..." He buries his face against my shoulder. Is he crying?  
  
"You really are very important to me, Gateau," I say.  
  
"But not as important as your brother, right?" he asks, a little sadly.  
  
Gateau, niisan means everything to me, but that doesn't mean you only   
come in second...it IS possible to have more than one person who means   
so much to you, you know."  
  
He smiles a little.  
  
"You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that," he whispers."All this   
time, I thought you just found me annoying...but knowing you feel   
otherwise is...it's a weight off my chest, if you'll excuse the pun,"   
he says, laughing a little. "I...I know I'm always flirting with you and   
everything, saying how beautiful you are and showing off for you AND all   
those girls...but the truth is, I...I'm only really interested in you.   
And not just for your beauty, either," he says.  
  
Could he be saying...what I think he's saying?  
  
"Gateau..."  
  
He pulls back, his blue eyes looking into mine.  
  
"What I'm trying to say is...I love you, Marron."  
  
Once again, I'm speechless. All I can do is smile and wrap my arms   
tightly around him. Tears slip down my cheeks, but I barely notice them.  
  
I'm absolutely sure of my feelings now. There's no turning back...no more   
denying them.  
  
"I'm glad you said that, Gateau" I whisper once I regain my voice. I   
take a deep breath, then pull back a little and look at him, smiling   
warmly. "I love you too."  
  
He blinks.  
  
"Marron?"  
  
"I didn't realize it until tonight, and when I did I tried to deny it," I   
say. "I didn't want to feel like I only fell in love with you or realized   
my feelings just because of your death."  
  
"So...how long HAVE you felt like this, then?" he asks.  
  
"I'm not sure...all I know is that after I'd known you for awhile, I   
realized I enjoyed being with you...but I wanted to know YOU, not just   
look at your muscles," I say. He nods slightly.  
  
"Maybe I did go a little overboard with all that flexing," he laughs.  
  
"A little?" I raise my eyebrow.  
  
"Okay...a lot overboard," he admits. "But...I'm glad you did notice me. I   
always worried you found me annoying."  
  
"Well, sometimes your antics did get a little tiresome...and then you   
would show off for all those girls at the beach..."  
  
He nods, looking a bit guilty.  
  
"Well, from now on, I'll only show off for you, Marron," he says,   
laughing.  
  
"Thank you." I snuggle closer, leaning my head against his chest. He's so   
warm, and the sound of his voice is so comforting.  
  
"And...I'll try to be more laid back and less showy from now on, I...I   
know it kinda embarrasses you when I start posing randomly in front of   
people, 'MITE MITE MITE!' and all that," he says.  
  
"Well...that would be appreciated. But don't try to be someone you're not   
just to please me. I love you for you, Gateau...even if you go overboard   
sometimes," I whisper.  
  
"So, you DO enjoy my flexing," he teases, toying with my hair a little. I   
blush.  
  
"Gateau!" I laugh, then look up at him. "Yeah...I do enjoy it," I admit.   
"You're...very pleasant to look at."  
  
"Really now?" He raises an eyebrow, leaning his head in a little.  
  
"But...I can think of something else that would be pleasant..." I   
whisper, my voice suddenly gaining a rather seductive note.  
  
"Marron...are you implying something here?" he asks, feigning shock.   
"Well...only one way to find out," he says, bringing his face closer to   
mine until our lips are only inches apart.  
  
"Of course." I close the gap between our lips, kissing him firmly. His   
lips are soft and pliant against my own as he kisses back.  
  
Right now, I feel like things couldn't be more perfect. We made it back   
from a major battle alive, and the two people I love the most are safe.  
  
Truly perfection.  
  
~  
  
Yay! ^_^ I made up my mind I was going to finish this story and   
not let it end up in the unfinished folder like so many others. And it   
worked! XD Ended up being a LOT longer than I expected, though...ah, well.   
^^ Tis still lovely and squishy shounen ai goodness. ^_^ Eee, sounds like   
something Tachan would say-she's rubbing off on me! XD Not that that's   
BAD, of course. XD  
Anyway...I know it probably got a little sappy in places, but I   
can't help it sometimes. ^_^ I hope I handled Marron's feelings for Gateau   
well-I didn't want this to go the "I almost lost him forever, so I just   
realized I love him!" route. While that is what triggered Marron's   
realizing his feelings, I also had him think about his relationship with   
Gateau in other instances-the flirting, that night at the hot spring   
resort in GN 3, etc. I also had him questioning whether he really felt   
the way he did or if he was just tired and emotional. 


End file.
